The crisp winds, the red-spice fragrance of colored leaves. The world has become tinted, dipped in this rich and inviting gold. Jonathan and I have always been more inclined to enjoy the Fall/Winter months moreso than the Spring/Summer ones. And this year we get to experience it all with our favorite tiny human. Outings takes a bit more planning and patience than they used to but I'm glad we're making the effort. We simply can't get enough of being out in all this glory.
To be honest, We've been terribly busy and tired lately. Although there's been pockets of joy this October, there's been places of pain too. Whether it's from being over tired, or from wearying circumstances we've just felt, for lack of a better word, heavy.
Most days we're flying around running errands or trying find sleep so it makes it hard for us to just simply enjoy one another. At times it's hard to think that life will ever be any different than what it is now. This always playing catch up and being left feeling stretched thin. Still, we keep working towards a different life for our family. We're not discontent, we just want a change of pace. I'm not complaining, but trying to share where we're at and where we hope to be. We have this dream of working from home together. We talk about it to ourselves, like children whispering secrets to one another. We send texts late at night when Jonathan is at work to remind each other of it. And on the bad days we say, "One day, maybe! Don't give up!" We keep hoping and saving and doing and moving forward. Perhaps God will give fuel to this crazy rocket ship of a dream we have and it'll take off.
I was cooking breakfast one day last week and I realized something. This is what I want for us. For Jonathan to not be exhausted from twelve hour work shifts. For me to have the energy needed to make a home for my family. For Behr to grow up learning how to appreciate quiet and small things like pepper on eggs, light filtering through old curtains and the way his dad's eyes light up with pride over him.
One day last week, I'd had a less than stellar day. Because of various things happening at once, I was struggling and needed to get outside to breathe for awhile. All three of us loaded up and grabbed some food to eat down by the river. We happened to get there right at sunset. As we walked along the bank, it sank slowly behind the silhouetted hills and rippled gold into the water. I held my son close, watching him view the world. He saw the willow tree branches reaching for the wind, heard the sound of lapping waves and was wide-eyed the whole time. To him, life is simple and oh-so-brand-new. He's never failed at anything or had anyone fail him. He doesn't know what it means to hurt, not yet anyway. I know those days will come in his life, they do for all of us. But the way his eyes catch the light and you can just feel his curiosity, his unwavering energy, his hope? I pray he never loses that and maybe, just maybe we can learn from his example.
Here's to the in-between-days. The not-what-we-want-right-now days. They're not to be wasted or glossed over; not to be wished away. They are to be lived out, in honesty, for the reality they are. They are to be viewed from the perspective of Truth which tells us that: "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:" Ecclesiates 3:1
Just like the season of Fall is beautiful because the leaves are dying, may we die to our expectations of timing and be made beautiful in the eyes of Jesus.
"It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires He creates." -Amy Carmichael