The New

The sun stretches, as if waking from a long slumber, and brushes against the sog of muddy earth. With the bite of Winter still clinging to it's tail, the wind plays in the treetops. It rattles the barren limbs until they shake out a few cautious blossoms. The seasons are changing, little one. And though I'm hesitant to admit it, you are too. 

At my special request, we took a walk in the park with you in your Solly Wrap. A farewell of sorts, I suppose. You're soon to outgrow it, and I'd be lying if I said that didn't make me sad. Don't get me wrong, tiny cub. I'm glad to see you grow and so (very, very) thankful to know that you're healthy and thriving. No, it's not that I dread the future and what you're becoming. It's that I realize you and I 'will not pass this way again'.

We spent nine sacred months enveloped into one another. And then, when it came time, you left your place inside me; a bittersweet adjustment for us both. In a similar way, you getting nearly too big for your Solly is one as well. 

A new part of your life is springing open. The emotions I feel anticipating it get all mixed up and swirled together inside me.

Excitement, fear, joy. 

Pride, heartache, delight. 

I don't know what our future together contains. But I'm sure the rhythm of it won't be all that different from what this first part of your life has been; crying weary tears, feeling overwhelming moments of happiness, praying to Jesus for strength and (a whole lot of) learning as we go. 

So, as we enter into this fresh season. The one of warming sunlight, emerging blooms and bright starts. The one where you begin the leaving behind of your babyhood. I stand here, holding you tight, knowing that it matters not how big you get or how far your life takes you. I've wrapped you up in love forever, my son; a bond stronger than the shifting of time or the onslaught of new life phases. Because, through it all, a simple truth remains: You could never outgrow the boundaries of my heart. 

Your mama loves you, little Behr, and she always, always will. 



ps. as always, you can follow our day-to-day adventures on my Instagram account: @breabird